Your heart is racing. You feel a little uneasy, maybe a lot. Time seems to stand still for just a moment as you look into each others eyes, both wondering what your reactions will be. It could just as easily be your office mate. What do you say?
At the same time, roommates are often very insensitive to how they use their common space, and Gay roomie are some Gay roomie that, while not unique to having a gay roommate, may make a move advisable. The girls of pinup files galleries mormon boy rimmed. Romie Gay roomie the truth up for grabs only makes things more confusing Proverbs For LGBT first-year students arriving to their dorm room, their rooming assignment can be surrounded by fear and anxiety. For example, there are circumstances in which you could understandably request a room reassignment. What do you do? On the other hand, can you imagine how distrustful you might feel toward someone you learned had been less than honest with you about something so important? There is a potential for the straight student to grow as a person, but this is not guaranteed.
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Last Spring, Duke announced that incoming first-year students, aside from those in varsity sports, would no longer have the option to choose a roommate. By dissolving the roommate selection option, administrators hoped that students from different backgrounds could be forced to live in the same square foot room for an entire year and thus learn from each other. This decision was controversial, as some agreed with the housing decision and others said it placed a burden of education on students with marginalized identities.
While I agree that the benefits of randomized housing can be substantial, I am concerned for the first-years who are now tasked with being a lesson in tolerance for their roommates. For this piece, I am going to focus mainly on gay male students, as that is the perspective I understand most—although many other minority groups will experience similar issues. In the months prior to my first semester at Duke in the fall of , my class GroupMe and Facebook were fairly active, with students posting autobiographical entries in hopes of finding a roommate or friends.
A student, probably a Prattstar, created a Google spreadsheet for male students looking to choose a roommate. The spreadsheet contained categories like intended major, Trinity or Pratt, interests, sleep schedule, and political affiliation.
This addition sparked confusion. Once it was explained as a scale for sexual orientation with one being exclusively heterosexual and six being exclusively homosexual, incoming first-years began to put their respective numbers down. I chuckled when I first saw it, as I assumed that most Duke students would be tolerant enough to have a gay roommate. I personally was not concerned with my roommate being homophobic and was content with going random.
Seeing those responses made me reconsider going random and shifted my anxiety from having an untidy roommate to having a homophobic one. A dorm room is an intimate place where two or three students, away from home for potentially the first extended period of time, must cohabitate and work together harmoniously.
It is an easy area to create tension and conflict, but can also be a fun space of peace. For LGBT first-year students arriving to their dorm room, their rooming assignment can be surrounded by fear and anxiety. Although blatant homophobia is typically frowned upon on Duke campus, students can still harbor anti-gay sentiments.
And even if a roommate is not explicitly bigoted towards LGBT individuals, they can still have discomfort with living in close quarters with someone who identifies as LGBT. I understand how homophobic all-male spaces can be, as I grew up in them. I played hockey, was in Boy Scouts for a brief stint, and spent some time living in Texas.
In many areas of the U. When I meet a brand-new person, I tend to behave under the assumption that they could be homophobic. To believe that most students arriving to Duke are innately LGBT-allies would be idealistic and out-of-touch.
Hopefully, by the end of our years here we could all be allies for marginalized groups, but that takes time and education.
And while having a friend with a certain identity is one of the best ways to break down bigotry towards people with that identity, a dorm room can be too intimate of a place for that growth to safely happen. In a case of two roommates, one who is gay and the other who has no exposure to the gay community, there are two possible outcomes: the other student learns acceptance, or they do not.
There is a potential for the straight student to grow as a person, but this is not guaranteed. On the flip side, there is absolutely no benefit for the gay student. Either they successfully teach their roommate not to hate gay people, or they live in an uncomfortable environment until something changes. LGBT students do not need the lesson of living with straight people, since they have been doing just that for most of their lives.
A straight roommate could be tolerant of LGBT individuals in general, but still be uncomfortable with their roommate bringing home a same-sex partner. These problems persist, even after first-years have attended True Blue. I expect the majority of roommate situations to fare on the positive side, but I have spoken with many LGBT students who have come here concerned. If you are straight and have an LGBT roommate, make sure that your communal space is always a home for them.
Understand that they are an individual with a specific set of life experiences that cannot sum up their entire community. Learn from each other, but try not to make them have to teach you a painful lesson. The independent news organization of Duke University. Join our staff.
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Dear Amy : My year-old son "Bob" is leaving for his freshman year of college in August. Bob just received his roommate assignment, and after "friending" him on Facebook, Bob discovered that his roomie is gay. Bob has four older siblings who have made it successfully through college and dorm life. They've had roommates who were of different races, different cultures and different religions, and have gotten along fine.
Bob would prefer a straight roommate. When I called the university to ask if Bob could be assigned another roomie, the housing director intimated that I was persecuting the gay roommate and that if my son didn't start out rooming with the gay student, then Bob could go to another school. He can put in for a room change during the first two weeks of school if he wants to switch.
I was taken aback. Bob will room with the assigned roommate. In doing an informal poll of my older children and their friends, I discovered that all but one had a gay roommate and didn't stay roommates for long. Is it discrimination when a straight man doesn't want to room with a gay man?
Do you think schools should have a policy about this? Dear Worried: Evidently you understand and applaud your kids' ability to room with people of every background, race and creed, but you and your family draw the line at sexual orientation.
I agree with your school's policy not to discriminate. You could help your son by assuming that he will have a successful roommate experience, but let him know what his options are if he doesn't. Sometimes students are held hostage by their roommates' nighttime schedule, alcohol use or indiscriminate dating life.
That's why the school permits students to switch roommates after a two-week trial. I've been married for six years to a wonderful woman, but I have also fallen hard for one of my co-workers. People joke about having a "work wife" or "work husband," but I feel like I really do.
The problem is that now she's starting to talk about me leaving my wife for her. My marriage is great, so I have no intention of ending it, but I feel as if I love my co-worker too and don't want to give up either woman. Dear Denver: You don't love two women at the same time. In fact, it's quite obvious that you don't really love either of these women. If you really loved your wife, you wouldn't cheat on her.
If you really loved your "work wife," you wouldn't involve her in an adulterous relationship. I suggest that you be honest with your "wives," telling each that you are more interested in your own needs than in theirs. Tell them that you like things just as they are and have no intention of ending either relationship.
Dear Amy: "Faced Out" wrote to you, wondering how to manage unwanted invitations on Facebook. She needs to realize that you control it, it doesn't control you! She should change the account settings for e-mail notifications to "off. She shouldn't worry that she'll hurt her feelings; it's only Facebook.
Ask Amy appears Monday through Saturday in Live! Send questions via e-mail to askamy tribune. Michigan Ave. Previous columns are available at chicagotribune.